Rachael Hammersley - Embracing the New Me: Body Positivity After Treatment

Body positivity took on a whole new meaning for me during and after my treatment. Prior to my diagnosis and treatment, I always thought body positivity specifically related to my weight and the way your body looks, but as I went through my treatment My skin was pale with no colour, I had dark circles under my eyes, my long blonde hair fell out and I had scars and bruises all over my body from the continuous poking and prodding of needles. I looked sick and there was nothing I could do about it.

You go from feeling confident and looking like yourself, to the next minute feeling terrible and having to deal with a complete shift in identity. I didn’t even recognize myself after a few weeks of treatment. It was horrifying and heartbreaking to know such a terrible sickness can affect the way you look and feel about yourself in such a short period of time. I lost who I was as a person all because of how I looked. I wanted to isolate myself even further than what I felt and kept the way I looked away from social media and away from people outside my bubble. I felt embarrassed of the fact that I was sick, and for the way I looked in the mirror.

However, after some time, I realized how powerful my body is for getting me through my treatments and battling cancer. It took some time to deal with, but I finally realized the only person who cares how I look is myself.

Once my treatment was over, I knew I was going to have to start facing the outside world so I began searching for things that would help me feel better about myself. I bought clothes I felt comfortable in, began wearing makeup again, and purchased a wig that helped bring my sense of identity back. I started wearing items that made me happy and brought my confidence back up slowly. From a new dress I bought or a new colour of lip-gloss, every little detail helped. I no longer wanted to sit around feeling sorry for myself, especially after beating cancer.

If I had any tips to share about improving body positivity after treatment they would be:

• Throw away any clothes you wore in or to the hospital. Being reminded everyday of those times is not going to help bring your confidence up.
• Buy clothes that you feel comfortable and confident in. Whether that be a certain style or colour, invest in things that feel like you!
• Listen to your body. People are going to try to encourage you to get back to daily exercise and movement, or maybe you feel pressure to, but you really don’t. Fuel your body with what you need and want, whether that be sleep or a burger.
• Really try to embrace your new self-identity after treatment. You just conquered something most people have never experienced and don’t understand. Nobody is judging you for the way you look, even if it feels like it. My biggest fear was people silently judging my hair and how it looked post treatment, but nobody was. A little girl stopped me one day and told me how pretty she thought I was and how much she loved my hair. That one compliment changed my perspective and how I felt about myself at that moment.

Our bodies are created to protect us and be resilient. They are made to fight illnesses and adapt when faced with a challenge. Once I got over being upset with my body, I realized that it fought for me and got me to where I am today, post treatment and diagnosis. Yes, my hair fell out and I felt lost, but it also grew back, my dark circles faded, and I gained colour back into my skin. I made it through one of life's toughest battles and came out stronger for it. Be proud of how you look because it shows your strength and resilience in your battle against cancer.